Entries by Reverend Batty Von Goebbels

Religious garments from a Christian perspective

A sermon by the Reverend Batty von Geobells There has been much speculation in the media recently about the former British Foreign Secretary’s comments relating to Islamic clothing.  Boris Johnson recently sparked outrage for suggesting Muslim women who wear headscarves resembled “bank robbers” and “letter boxes”. So I thought I would write a sermon from […]

Cannabis and the Bible

In today’s sermon I want to talk about God’s holy seed, but this time not the one he secretly sneaked up Mary’s muff, no I’m talking about Mary Jane, da holy herb, cannabis, weed, pot, ganja. Cannabis, as it clearly states in the Bible was given by God for our use. Although, I must note […]

The Miracles of Jesus Explained: Part 1

In today’s sermon we figure out some of Jesus’s most famous miracles starting with the feeding of the 5000. Jesus told everyone, “They do not need to go away. You give them all something to eat.” “We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,” they answered. They all ate and were satisfied, […]

God vs Science

A sermon by the Reverend B. Von Goebbels Science is always coming up with all kinds of fancy equations to show that they are cleverer than God and make us Christians look like childish and deluded, dimwitted morons, which we are not. There are many mysteries that science cannot explain. God in his eternal wisdom […]

Adam and original sin

A sermon by the Reverend B. von Geobells I have just had the most amazing revelation from God. He has revealed his inner thoughts to me through the teaching of the bible. It has come to my attention that the original sin with which we all suffer and Jesus was sent to save us from […]

Judas Stole My Lunch Box

A prayer by the Reverend Batty von Geobbels Judas stole my lunch box Jesus stole my sandal designs John the Baptist drowned my daughter The Messiah wilted my fruit tree Jesus made the person I had struck blind see again Dog live, evil God Christ has cum Up my bum Jesus had balsa wood sandals Jesus […]

The voices of God in your head.

A sermon by the Reverend Batty von Goebbels So to believe in our Lord you must first hear the voices in your head. At least three, the son, the father and the holy ghost, but probably also the voice of Satan trying to get you to do bad stuff. There are also hosts of angels […]

Jesus came in my Wellington boots.

A sermon by the Reverend Batty von Goebbels How dare the decedents of Plymouth brethren, active in the decimation and genocide of Native Americans mention spirituality. The Indians were in a state of pure paradise before the evil Christian puritans polluted the sacred land with dogmatic religion. The teachings of repressed child molesters play no part in a humane […]